


Once They Danced

by ace_etta



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Fluff and Angst, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-23
Updated: 2015-03-23
Packaged: 2018-03-19 04:46:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3596874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ace_etta/pseuds/ace_etta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky knew Steve would be a goner for Peggy the second he heard of her. They’d make quite the pair. Something felt a little broken in his chest at the thought. But, then, Bucky caught sight of Peggy from across camp, all sharp lines and soft curves and red lips, and he fell a little too. A knockout dame, in every sense.</p><p>Peggy couldn't help but notice Steve. But she was a woman in the army. She didn't have time for fluttering heart beats, so she decked a man and moved on.</p><p>Peggy blindsided him. He was here to fight bad guys. Love didn't fit into the equation. But there she stood looking like she stepped out of one of those posters but so very real and so much better, and his traitorous, barely-working heart started beating double time.</p><p>Bucky knew he didn't have a chance. Not with Steve. And definitely not with Captain America.</p><p>(or Steve, Bucky, and Peggy get together during Captain America: the First Avenger, and then, the plot of that movie happens to ruin everything)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Once They Danced

**Author's Note:**

> First things first, I deviated a bit from the plot of Cap 1, in that I made it so that Peggy was on the front lines with the Howling Commandos.
> 
> Next, the story largely follows the main plot of Cap 1, so the main "deaths" of that film are discussed briefly and the grieving of the characters are discussed at length here. Alcohol is involved. If this is an issue for you, I encourage you to not read this.
> 
> Also, there are super minor spoilers for the season finale of Agent Carter, but they aren't really a big deal. So if you haven't seen that yet, I wouldn't worry about it.
> 
> Finally, this is a fan fiction. I do not own these characters, but I do own this work. So please don't use it without my permission.

Peggy dies. Steve is sad, but he doesn't have it in him to be devastated. It’s been a long time coming. She got to live a happy life, and Steve’s seen enough of war and death to know that that’s more than good enough.

A good life that involved a whole lot of stuff. Most of it had already been cleared out by Peggy’s family, but there were a good number of boxes Sharon dropped off with an awkward shrug and a “she would have wanted you to have them.”

So he sits down, and he goes through all of it. Most of it he decides to give to SHIELD or whatever the hell they’re calling themselves now, but he gives them the copies. He keeps the originals. Some of it, unimportant little tidbits of his life and the Howling Commandos and the like, he hands off to the Smithsonian.

Some things he keeps for himself. Little reminders of Peggy that she wouldn't have wanted the world to see.

He thinks he’s done and is packing away the boxes when he finds it caught at the bottom of one of the boxes.

It’s just a picture, but god, is it a picture.

***

All he ever wanted was the right partner. He could have never guessed it would have ended like that.

***

Bucky knew Steve would be a goner for Peggy the second he heard of her. A woman on the front lines isn't unheard of, but a woman officer and an English one at that, doesn’t go unnoticed. Bucky heard about her take-no-shit attitude and her infamous right hook his first day, and his first thought was, _Steve would be head over heels for this dame. She’s a fighter just like him. They’d make quite the pair_. Something felt a little broken in his chest at the thought. He pushed the feeling to the side like he did with a lot of his thoughts about Steve recently.

But, then, Bucky caught sight of Peggy from across camp, all sharp lines and soft curves and red lips, and he fell a little too. A knockout dame, in every sense. He had a thing for fighters and underdogs. He tried not to think about that too much.

***

Then, he got captured, and he didn't have much time to think at all.

Sergeant Barnes 325575 ~~except what if i never tell him~~ I’m Sergeant Barnes 325575 ~~what if i can’t say it~~ I’m Sergeant Barnes 325575 ~~what if~~  Sergeant Barnes 325575

He didn't think at all.

***

Peggy couldn't help but notice Steve. Erskine told her she wouldn't miss him, and he wasn't wrong. A full head shorter than the shortest recruit in the place and swimming in his uniform, he looked ridiculous. But her heart gave an extra thump at the serious set of his wan face. She’s always known about being the underdog, and blamed it on that. But she was a woman in the army. She didn't have time for fluttering heart beats, so she decked a man and moved on.

***

She almost dismissed him right then. She was no dame. She didn't work this long and this hard to be called a dame.

But he stumbled. When he saw the anger flare in her eye, he tripped over his own words.

_He’s sweet_ , she thought, _and that’s all there is about it_.

But then he had to go and straighten his spine and remind her about why they were here. Why Erskine picked him.

And her treacherous heart gave another thump. _Damn._ She was a goner.

***

Everyone is a bit in love with their best friend. It happens. Or, at least, that’s what Steve tried to tell himself when his heart cracked just that little bit more as he watched Bucky walk away with Mary-Ellen-Doris-Betty-Rose as he wheezed out another cough with his chest aching from the too irregular beat of his heart. He blamed the thickness in his throat on that.

Besides he was always hurting somehow. What’s a little more?

***

Peggy blindsided him. He was here to fight bad guys. Love didn't fit into the equation.

But there she stood looking like she stepped out of one of those posters but so very real and so much better, and his traitorous, barely-working heart started beating double time.

***

Things were okay again. There were people. So many people. But they made great drinking buddies ~~and sometimes when he got really quiet around his third beer and a faraway look floated into his eyes they clapped him on the back and didn't say anything because they knew in a way Steve can’t ‘cause Steve wasn't there thank god thank fucking god Steve wasn't—~~

Things were okay again. He had Steve back, and it was amazing. He didn't think he’d ever get this chance again, and he wanted to say something so bad. But then they were back in camp and there were so many people and then Peggy’s there why’s Peggy there I thought—

And then he caught sight of Steve’s face. The smirk that softened after he saw she was okay. And he didn't have to look at Peggy’s face to see what was happening there. Relief and a soft smile hidden behind a facade of professionalism. Ha. Like anyone could stay professional for long around Steve’s puppy dog eyes.

But he knew. He knew that he was right. _They make quite the pair_.

***

When she rounded the corner and saw that woman and Steve connected at the mouth like leeches, her first thought was, _How could he do this to us? How could he do this to_ him _?_

She realized later with a pistol still warm in her hand, that she wasn't just going to sit by anymore. Someone had to do something.

  
Unfortunately, the war got in the way. Wars tend to do that.

***

It was going to kill her. They were killing themselves over each other, and she could barely breathe with how much it hurt.

Bucky was drinking himself into a stupor just to make it through the night, but she still heard the way his breath caught on screams in the middle of the night. She heard him whisper Steve’s name in the darkness of the night. She saw the blood and teeth marks on his knuckles nearly every morning. She saw the way his hallowed eyes followed Steve around like Steve was a ghost or he was.

Steve threw himself into the war like he was bulletproof, but she watched him sew up his own injuries after a fight. She watched the way his hands twitched towards Bucky after every fight, like he just wanted to touch, make sure he was still whole. She watched the way his face closed off whenever he looked at Bucky, and she watched his face fall into indescribable pain when no one else was looking.

She didn't want to be their mother. She didn't need to tell them to get their heads out of their asses. But she wanted to. For all that they were idiots, they were hers, and she didn't let what’s hers go lightly. She had the taste of both of them in her mouth, and she had their names coursing through her veins with every thump of her heart. She couldn't let them kill themselves. She didn't think she could survive the fallout.

***

 ****  


“Do you like him?”

 

Peggy was a soldier and an agent. She knew when to hold her questions just like she knew how to hold her punches, but she also knew how to land them right in a weak spot.

 

“Peggy! You can’t—the  guys’ll—Peggy!”

 

“Oh, don’t get your knickers in a twist. They can’t hear us.”

 

She rolled her eyes, and Steve looked over at the Commandos, rambunctiously, and only slightly drunkenly, laughing around the fire. Bucky right in the middle, one of his now rare smiles plastered across his face.

 

“Do you like him?” she insisted.

 

Bucky caught his eye across the fire and raised an eyebrow before lifting his drink with a nod. _Go gettum_.

 

“I-I can’t.” His voice didn't break. It didn't.

 

Peggy nodded, smiled, and then stood, dusting off her pants like that was that. Steve’s heart fractured just a bit more at the gesture. He saw Bucky looking from across camp, brows furrowed questioningly. Steve just shook his head.

 

That was that.

 

***

It wasn't just that.

 

“He likes you too you know. I've seen the way he looks at you.”

 

“You don’t know him like I do.”

 

Peggy placed her hand gently on his shoulder. “Maybe that’s a good thing.”

 

Steve just shook her off and jumped out the plane. With a sigh, Peggy followed.

 

***

_Steve’s Captain America now._ A man and a fiction competing to see which one will win out. Bucky did his best to protect what was left of Steve. He stayed back. Shot from the treeline or the hilltop or wherever gave him the best vantage point to protect what little innocence Steve had left. It’s not much but it’s the best he could do for the man he lo—

He points. He aims. He shoots. He didn't think, because shooting was all he was good at anyhow.

***

“I like you, too. Both of you,” Steve let out in a mangled whisper.

 

They were caked with mud and blood and other shit they couldn't identify—didn't want to if they were being honest.

 

Peggy rewarded him with a kiss. Hot and desperate, their teeth clashed, hard and unyielding. Pulling back for air, she breathed next to his ear, “I think I like him too.”

 

***

They were in France when she caught Bucky just outside the camp. She just helped Steve bandage up his own ribs after throwing himself off a tank to tackle Bucky to the ground, nearly getting a bullet to the head in the process. The serum can heal so much.

It made her hands shake with barely suppressed fear when she thought about how close she was to losing both of them. It made her hands itch for a smoke, even though she never touched a cigarette before in her life.

She stepped out of Steve’s tent to get some fresh air when she saw Bucky. Before she could think about it, she was moving forward. Then, she has Bucky up against a tree.

***

Bucky knew he didn't have a chance. Not with Steve. And definitely not with Captain America. The lines between the two were beginning to blur.

He’d been Steve’s friend his whole life. He knew Steve. He noticed when Steve started pulling out his Captain’s voice around Bucky. He knew Steve didn't use that voice with anyone else. He watched Steve laugh over a flask of whiskey with the other Commandos, and he watched him freeze up when Bucky joined the group. He watched him pull on his Captain face. He watched him close himself off and shut himself down.

And he couldn't help but notice his own heart breaking.

***

Peggy cornered him one afternoon. Blindsided him with a kiss, his back pressed up against a tree, somewhere in France ~~or was it Poland? He couldn't remember—didn't want to think—didn't know~~. At first he was shocked. Then, a bubble of joy rose in his throat, and he kissed back. The kiss was soft, almost sweet, before anger closed off his throat. _She’s Steve’s gal now. She can’t just go around kissing any soldier she stumbles across. She can’t do that to Steve._

Next thing he knew he was slamming her up against the tree. He could feel the bark biting into his fingers painfully from where he had her shoulders between his hands. Their teeth clacked painfully together as they bit at one another's’ lips, vicious and hungry.

Pulling back and breathing harshly, Bucky spit, “You can’t just _do_ this. You can’t do this to _him_. _You can’t_.”

“You don’t know what he needs. You don’t know what he wants,” she hissed back, before she regained her composure. Bucky, shocked, a little broken, watched her pull her mask, the stony one she uses in front of commanding officers and men who try and tell her she can’t, back onto her face with a single deep breath. “Besides, we both _want_ —” Her mask cracked. “Bloody hell,” she whispered, and took another breath. “Come talk to us tonight. Please.” She placed a hand on his chest.

Bucky threw himself off of her, disgust scrawled across his features.

“ _Please_.” Her voice broke.

Bucky watched the mask crack and fall away. His breath caught in his throat at the vulnerability bare on her face. He found himself nodding before he had time to think it through, and Peggy sighed in relief. He watched her rebuild her mask once more, and with a sharp nod, she was gone.

***

It was tough at first. So tough, but so easy.

Sometimes they found themselves moving together so naturally—a press of lips here, trailing fingers there, a warm press of a hand to the back of the neck, the weight of arms around another’s waist—and then they would trip up. It was too easy. Too easy to fall into each other.

Sometimes it wasn't even the slightest bit easy. Some days they could barely stand to be around each other. They were haunted by their memories, and they were haunted by the future. They grated against each other, and they fought, and they didn't know how to get. the. words. out.

But they always fell together again. They curled up together in the night, and they whispered their secrets. And for a little while things were alright.

***

They were still trying to figure out how to coexist, how to fit each other into each other’s lives, when it happened.

***

“Bucky!

Hang on. Grab my hand.

No!”

***

Peggy didn't know what to do. She—she didn't love Bucky. Not yet. She almost had. She thought—she. She thought she could.

But she didn't know Bucky. Not really. They’d just met. She knew how his mouth tasted. She knew how his hand felt on her waist. She knew the curve of his smile. She knew the furrow between his brow. She knew all the things he revealed to them in the night, like scraps of metal clenched so tight in his hand that they cut into his palms finally shown in the light of the campfire.

Steve knew Bucky. Steve knew everything.

***

He’d lost people before. First his mother went out like candle, effortlessly and softly, then the war ate so many and spit out their corpses for the living to collect. But losing Bucky? It was like losing the ground beneath his feet. Impossible and ridiculous, but then it was gone. And everything was empty.

***

  
Peggy felt her heart crack. She felt it get ripped in two and shredded, but she didn't have time to mourn. So she bandaged up her heart, and went to find Steve.

***

He wasn't really sure he has a heart anymore. He thought he lost it somewhere in a ravine.

***

Sometimes she wished she never orchestrated the whole thing. Maybe it would have been better to let them go on pining, rather than to taste pure joy for a moment before watching it slip out of your grasp, pulling your heart down with it.

***

He threw himself into the war. There were battles to be fought. Wars to win.

Besides, Captain America was never in love with anyone.

***

She wanted to mourn, but how do you mourn for someone you hardly knew?

***

During the day, he was Captain America, but once the sun set, he was Steve again. It reminded him of those twisted fairy tales.

And when he was Steve, he couldn't help falling into Peggy like he was drowning.

***

Steve became her sole responsibility. There was a war on. She knew that. She did what she had to do.

But at night, she took care of Steve, she wiped away his tears and held him close and buried the simmer of anger that screamed that _she was not his mother. She was his equal. She deserved to mourn too._

But how do you make space for mourning a man you hardly knew, when Steve’s grief filled up the room like air or toxic gas?

***

And then—

***

The static popped, and she was the only one left.

***

She couldn't stay in the army. She tried. She really did, but without Steve, the Howling Commandos were still trying to figure themselves out. She was a good leader, but she knew—they could all feel it—she was just a band-aid. And she wasn't doing much good at holding the edges of their collective wound together.

So she finished out her time, Steve’s ghost following her with every turn. She was no longer Peggy Carter. She was reduced to Captain America’s girlfriend, and she hated it.

And then the war was over, and she could go home.

***

  
Returning home wasn't any better. She came home to find the world had no place for her: an ex-army woman with two dead lovers and night terrors and the ability to shoot a gun better than most and a right hook that could knock a man out cold.

It didn't hurt that everywhere she looked, Steve’s face—Captain America’s face—was plastered across every newsstand and billboard.

***

“Goodbye, my darlings.”

***

Life went on, and Peggy did her best to move on. She somehow found room for more people in her heart (miracles will never cease) and she started to think things might start to get better. And they did.

But her heart still had it’s missing pieces, and the ragged edges still throbbed at the memories.

***

Time takes its toll on all things. Trends change. Technology grows. People die. The sun rises. The sun sets. Memories fade. They dull and stretch and change and exaggerate. But all the same. Memories are touched by time, like all things.

But sometimes things slip out of time’s grasp. Peggy had one memory that managed to escape the clutches of time.

***

There’s a photograph of it somewhere. The edges are rubbed fuzzy, and the picture’s a bit faded. Still, you can make out the three figures.

Two men stand with their arms about a woman sandwiched between them. They are mid-step and mid-laugh. Their feet tangled together in a hapless jumble.The lamplight is dull, and the venue small.

But the smiles of all three figures are still as bright as the day it was taken.

**Author's Note:**

> So there it is: my first official fan fiction. Let me know what you think!
> 
> (I may have plans for sequels??? Let me know if you'd be interested in more painful things.)
> 
> Also tumblr thing: librarianof221b.tumblr.com


End file.
